worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize