She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
