You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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