i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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