it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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