I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
