Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
