It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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