I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
