Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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