I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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