real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
