I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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