What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
