i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We had sex on a dog bed..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
