tell your sister to shave her snatch
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize