he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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