i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need a beard to bite.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
