....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
