apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
