How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
