He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
