Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
