I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize