I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
