Pants 0. Shit 1.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
