So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
