I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
