I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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