I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
