When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize