@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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