her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
