a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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