you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
