Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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