the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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