Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
