The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
