I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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