I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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