Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
