Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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