clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
