Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Randomize
