OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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