im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize