im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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