It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
