I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
