You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
