if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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