I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
