Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
