There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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