it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
