You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize