I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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