we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
