Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
