her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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