Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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