I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
