I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
