I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
