Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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