I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
