we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
