i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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