I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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