i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
