whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
