i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
