FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He did a backflip because drugs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
