The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
